


Always

by deniallisstrong



Series: Ziam Tumblr Drabbles (ifigureditout) [16]
Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Musician Zayn, Zayn in LA, hello
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 09:49:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11552637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deniallisstrong/pseuds/deniallisstrong
Summary: He still had Liam’s number saved in his contacts, even though he hadn’t dared touch it since that day. He still made sure that that was the first number to transfer whenever he switched phones. And he still had the sticky note that Liam left him once with his number on it. Just in case.(Based on the song "Hello" by Adele)





	Always

Zayn had tried to let the thought go. He really had. But whenever he heard the word  _England_ , he still thought of Liam, as much as he’d tried to forget. And when his boss had mentioned an upcoming trip there, the word had rung through his ears and he’d lost anything said after that.

He still had Liam’s number saved in his contacts, even though he hadn’t dared touch it since that day. He still made sure that that was the first number to transfer whenever he switched phones. And he still had the sticky note that Liam left him once with his number on it. Just in case.

He punched the numbers in, letting out a little huff of air with each number he pushed on the screen. He wasn’t sure what would be worse: Liam answering or Liam  _not_  answering. He didn’t allow himself to think through either possibility too long, though, because he pressed the call button as he pulled it up to his ear with an inhale.

It rang. And it rang. And it rang. Zayn was about to give up when he heard a familiar voice. “Hi, you’ve reached Liam. Leave me a message.”

Even just the simple voicemail was almost enough. He’d heard his voice again. He could still hang up now and Liam would never even know Zayn had called.  But then the beep came and Zayn was off, like a racehorse at the sound of a gunshot. “I know you probably didn’t pick this up cause, well, it’s an American number and who the fuck would be calling you in America? And is there even anyone in America you’d pay $2 a minute to speak to? And what the hell are phones even used for anyways? Not calling, that’s for sure.” It all came out in one breath and he knew he should probably just stop while he was ahead. But it was too late now. If he knew Liam at all, he knew that he would still be able to pick up Zayn’s voice in a heartbeat. Or, at least, he hoped he would be able to.

“I know you said—you  _told_  me, you did—that in time it would get easier. That I would forget.” He stopped. Whether that was for a breath or for dramatic effect, he wasn’t entirely sure. “But I haven’t. I still remember that day on the pier. Still remember your back as you walked away, and I know it’s late. I know this is late…” He paused at this, feeling the weight of the sentence hitting him deep. “Years late actually.” He bit his lip, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to well up from behind his eyes.

“But I’m calling now, like I should have at the pier, should’ve begged you to make it work but I didn’t. I fucking  _didn’t_  and I’m sorry.” Running his fingers through his hair, he mumbled, “I broke your heart.”

He let out a heavy sigh, trying to rail himself back onto the whole point of the call. “I’m coming back to England for a couple of weeks.” Suddenly, he wasn’t sure what to say next, as if he was in one of his dreams where he’d try to scream out but couldn’t make a sound. “Call me back.” His fumbling fingers found the end button as he let out a shaky breath. He figured maybe he should’ve clarified, but it seemed anytime he opened his mouth to clear things up, ten thousand new thoughts came out at the speed of light. And that message was probably already daunting enough for Liam as it was anyway.

He waited, tried to distract himself by cooking dinner. Watched a movie while eating said dinner. He lasted an hour.

“I know you’re probably wondering why I haven’t come back to England in over four years now,” he started, phone up to his ear again. “Well, I have, okay? Cat’s out of the bag.” He sniffed. “But I couldn’t stand to talk to you, couldn’t  _stand_  to hear you tell me ‘no’ again, as I knew you would.” He looked down at the floor, at his fidgeting feet. “So I stayed quiet. And every time I came home, I tried to forget you. I  _tried_  to move on like you’d told me I’d already had.” Placing his hand on the bridge of his nose, he set his elbows on the counter, feeling his body shrink down. “But every damn thing reminded me of you. The light fixture in the hotel, the restaurant around the corner, even the fucking  _hobo_  on the street.”

“I’m sorry for the way things happened, Liam, really, I am. The guilt follows me everywhere.” He gulped, only just now realizing the words on his tongue were true. “But more than that,  _you_  follow me everywhere. I miss you.”

He huffed out air, feeling as empty as his lungs. “I’ve tried seeing other people. I have,” he promised. “But I can’t help comparing them all to you.” He furrowed his eyebrows as he said the next words, hating to admit it. “And none of them are half of what you were, Liam.”

He repeated again in a whisper, “I’m sorry.” Playing with the ring on his finger, he sighed, “I still have it. What you threw on the pier. Remember?” As an afterthought, he added sadly, “I hope you remember.” He exhaled as he said quietly, “And you told me to keep it since it obviously meant so little to me.”

He paused again, trying to catch his bearings as he slid the simple silver ring off of his finger to examine it more carefully—as if he didn’t have every single groove and engraving of the ring memorized by now. “Well, I did. I still have your ring. And it means the world to me.” He’d hung up then suddenly without even a goodbye, not sure how to continue on after that. He hadn’t planned to say all that over the phone. But looked like he just had. No shock there.

This next time, he only lasted thirty minutes, only able to stomach the nightly news before he caved again.

“I hope you’re well,” he began, feeling slightly proud that at least  _this_  message started a bit better. Though he had a feeling it wouldn’t end that way. “I forgot to say that before.” He cleared his throat. “Did you ever make it out of Wolverhampton?” Zayn squeezed his eyes shut suddenly, these words bringing back the fight, as he’d pleaded to Liam to move to America with him. That it was an adventure. Had tried to reason with him, that LA was much better for the music industry than Wolverhampton would ever be.

“We’re running out of time,” he swallowed, realizing with a sinking stomach that he could call and leave a thousand messages but none of them would mean a thing if Liam wouldn’t answer.

—

“Do you remember what you said?” Hours later, Liam’s shout on the other end of the line jolted Zayn awake.

“It’s three am, Li,” he grumbled, but he was secretly enthralled to even have gotten a call back.

“Do you remember what you said?” Liam repeated, spitting out every single word with more force than Zayn had ever heard.

“I told you we could work it out, yeah…” He mumbled, his half-asleep self confused on the whole point of this interrogation.

“No, not  _that_ ,” Liam cried, the hurt in his voice obvious. “You said  _always_ , Zayn. Always.”

“I know,” Zayn sighed. “How could I forget?” He moaned, sliding the ring on his finger again to feel the engraved word.  _Always_. “But the job offer… and getting  _out_. Getting away from all the shit that was back home.”

“I should’ve told you sooner,” Zayn admitted. “Should’ve worked the whole thing out with you before I’d said yes.” He hummed, remembering the conversation with the head of the record company well. “But they told me I had to say yes  _now_  or the job would be gone.” His voice dropped off. “And I got scared.”

“I know,” Liam replied quietly. There was a moment of silence. And then he said, all traces of anger now gone in his voice, leaving only sorrow, “I miss you too, Z.”

“Liam,” Zayn pleaded. “I can’t go to England again without you. Every time I go, I sink a little deeper into the ground, lose a bit more of my footing, can’t find my way around cause I’m caught in a web of memories that you left me with.”

“Always,” Liam said bitterly. “I bet you never thought that’s what your always would leave you with, did you?” He said coolly, voice coming out in a whisper.

“ _Liammmm_ ,” Zayn groaned. “Come on.”

“You’re right, sorry.” He said quietly. “It’s my fault, too,” Liam continued finally when the other line stayed quiet. “I walked away,” he sniffed. “And if I don’t regret that, then I guess I don’t know what regret is.” He inhaled, taking in air before continuing, “And your always has haunted me ever since I spun on my heel, away from you and your dream.” He paused, thinking his next words through. “You think we could try again?” Liam mused as he cradled the phone closer in his hand, trying to catch every single word, every single breath that left Zayn’s mouth.

“Like a do-over,” Zayn finished, a small smile on his face. “I’d like that,” he said brightly. The understatement of the century.

“I still live where I used to. You remember the address, right?” Liam asked.

“Always,” Zayn beamed, the mere idea sending jolts through his body.

“Call me again when you’re in town and we’ll meet up, yeah? I’d say we have some unresolved business to work out.”

“Business or pleasure?” Zayn joked with a grin, eyebrows flying up.

“A bit of both, mate,” Liam responded with a chuckle. “Like always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just another old Tumblr drabble that I'm moving over here--so sorry for the angst, but I hope you like it x


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